Boys & Basketball

 One joy I've had this summer is playing basketball with my sons.

The three of us will go to the community center in town and play 21 or a series of one-on-one games. They are duels, and as they've gotten taller, bigger, and more skilled, they've become battles.

As recently as last spring, when I played one-on-one against the younger son, 14-year-old Isaiah, I would remain on the perimeter, vying to beat him with shooting from outside. I could take him down low, but that would be unfair. But he has gotten taller, and regularly will block my shots. So, being the competitor and not wanting to lose, I will drive him on when the game is on the line.

Nathaniel, at 16, is not as basketball skilled as his brother. It's not his fault. He discontinued playing basketball in fifth grade, a victim of being on a league team by Dads Who Can't Coach (But Think They Know How To). You know the kind; a bunch of dudes who because they played some organized basketball, are convinced they are naturals as coaches. It's interesting: In youth sports, if it's football, basketball, or baseball, you had dads coming out of the woodwork, pining to coach their sons, to be the hand that guides said son to sporting glory. 

It rarely happens that way.

Most dads are clueless about coaching. And that was apparent with Nathaniel's 5th grade league team. Being new to town and not part of the "I was born here bro club," I gnashed my teeth as I watched my son during games being sent to the baseline, to stand there, completely uninvolved in the action, as a couple of kids ran a sloppy high-ball screen that resulted in turnovers more often than not.

I get it that youth coaches need to evaluate kids and put them in positions to succeed. But 5th grade basketball -- or any youth sport, for that matter -- is not the place to confine a kid to a position on the court, or field. Good coaches simply teach the fundamentals, day after day, practice after practice, and use the game as occasions to put those fundamentals into play. It's not about winning, in other words. Competing? Fine. But let the kids play all the positions, and learn the game.

Suffice it to say that did not happen with Nathaniel. It was heartbreaking to watch him lose confidence, and lose interest -- through bad dad coaching, no less. Kids see pecking orders, and they know from a very young age whether they're being anointed or ignored. The good coaches eschew such hierarchies, and in fact fight hard against them.

Isaiah, on the other hand, joined a league team as it was forned, and thus grew up playing with the same kids, year after year. His coaches largely understood the value of equality, and building fundamentals and skills, rather than a single-minded quest for Ws. Isaiah has benefited: While he may not be most athletic, nor naturally skilled, he is a solid baller. Now, a freshman, I project he will have a nice high-school career and will be part of some very competitive teams.

Nathaniel, to my surprise, has returned to basketball. And, he plays now for the right reasons: Because he enjoys it. As I've told him many times, basketball is one of the few sports you can play well into adulthood. You can shoot/play by yourself; you can play pickup ball; you can be on an adult league team. Big town, small town, you can find a game somewhere.

I should know, because I play pickup ball twice a week. Trust me, it's a blessing to do so, and almost always a highlight of my week.

Which brings me back to the boys and I, and basketball. How much fun I've had playing with them, either going with one or the other to the gym to wear ourselves out in multiple game of one-on-one, or when we three go together. It's precious, that time I get to spend with them. Soon, and very soon, they will be out of high school, and out of the house. 

I need to remember this, and relish those times we shoot some hoops together.