A dog and a cat

We have a dog who acts like a cat, and a cat who acts like a dog.

I'll need to explain this a little.

Our dog is Shadow, so named for the black fur that covers nearly her entire body. She was found in a roadside ditch in Oklahoma, with a litter of 10 puppies, and shipped, with her brood, to a rescue service in Iowa. When we took her in, she had heartworm (no surprise) and a strange wheezing sound when she breathed that required multiple veterinary trips to successfully diagnose. The wheezing, we learned, came from a bacterial infection that had taken root in a lung and traced to rotting shellfish she had eaten as a stray. Thankfully for us, the rescue service covered her medical bills, including the surgery to remove the lung infection. (The people who work -- and those who support -- animal rescue services are truly selfless and noble; if there's a heaven, their tickets should be honored.)

Shadow, now whole in body, always was whole in spirit. She's pretty dopey, it must be said, but she more than makes up for a lack of brains with a whole lot of heart and affection. She integrated seamlessly into our family -- well, at least when she realized she no longer needed to aggressively forage for her meals. We won't forget her first night with us: Michelle had cooked enchiladas, and while she momentarily left the kitchen, we heard a loud crash, followed by the distinctive sound of shattered glass. Shadow had leapt and swiped the entire glass tray of enchiladas from the range, and knocked it to the floor. When we ran into the kitchen, she was zealously lapping the splattered mass. We learned quickly that no unattended food was safe.

Then there's Roddy the cat. He arrived from an animal shelter in summer 2020, just months into the COVID 19 pandemic. He too, had been abandoned, then found and rescued. My older son had been yearning for a kitty, and begging his mother for one. I was fiercely resistant, as I was allergic to cats. There were no cats when I was growing up. My then girlfriend, Michelle, (now wife) had a fat, furry ball named Kitty who I at best tolerated during my visits to her place when we were dating. Visiting my wife's family and their cats almost instantly triggered sneezing bouts.

Cats made me miserable.

I also had a healthy fear of them. I couldn't read them, and I didn't know how to interact them. They seemed creepy, almost sinister, with their slit-like irises and their slinky strut. Once, when I was trying to hold Michelle's family cat, Hoiberg, the damn thing bit me in the soft, fleshy patch of skin between my thumb and forefinger. That wound hurt for weeks. 

So, when the older son, Nathaniel, began lobbying for a kitty, I had not forgotten the incident with Hoiberg the Biter, and I had not forgotten my episodes of spasmodic sneezing at Michelle's family home. I was completely opposed to cat in the house, and I felt I had some pretty good reasons why. 

So, imagine my surprise when Michelle and Nathaniel came home one day with Roddy. Boy, was I not happy. "Why?" I asked. "You know I'm allergic to cats."

But my protests largely were ignored. Plaintive son wins over whining Dad nearly all the time.

I was not happy a cat was in our home. I was less happy when Roddy took to leaping on the kitchen counters to forage for food. Unlike Shadow, who one time whacked our dinner to the floor, Roddy could jump up on and thus access our kitchen counters with ease, and nibble and bit his way into anything there. Bread, rolls, buns, snacks, the bar was always open for him.

As I was now working from home, Roddy's kitchen forays began to really piss me off. 

It all came to a head one day when he leapt on the counter and helped himself to something I had made. Maybe it was a sandwich, I don't remember. But Roddy was feeding himself with impunity, and I had had enough. I clapped my hands at him, and he jumped off the counter. Then, I chased him. I chased him into the living room, I chased him into the front foyer, I chased him into the kitchen, I chased him to the stairwell, I chased him to our bedroom, where he had leapt on to the bed. I grabbed him, clutched him, and yelled at him, "You little bastard!" and threw him down on the bed. Then, I chased him again, he scurrying mightily, talons digging into wood, as he jetted from one room to another, with me screaming like a banshee, in hot pursuit.

I finally cornered him in the closet of Nathaniel's room, where he cowered on a shelf. his back arched, hissing at me. I backed away, fearing he might leap at me and claw my eye out or something.

As my adrenaline retreated, I realized how foolish I had been, and how guilty I felt for freaking out a pet who still was becoming acclimated to our home, to our family, and to his new situation. 

I later found him burrowed tightly against my younger son on his bed, trembling from our frenzied encounter.

I felt very small in that moment.

Maybe Roddy and I reached an understanding that day. He seemed to lessen his counter leaps of plenty. At night, when I'd watch TV, he jump on the back of the sofa and lick my head. Tentatively at first, I would pet him. Then, I'd pick him up, gingerly – really, because I didn't know how to do it – and put him on my lap. He sat there, content, as I stroked his fur. Hmmm, I thought, he's pretty nice, and damn if I don't have any impulse to sneeze, no matter how close he was to my face. When I picked him up, he thrust his legs forward, like a long-jump skier who had just taken off from the chute. Sometimes, I would lift him high in the air, pronouncing "Lion King!" as he looked down at me from above.

I don't know if he enjoyed any of that, but he certainly tolerated it, no complaints at all.

Since then, our relationship has gone unalterably up. Soaring, actually. It's fair to say Roddy has much affection for me -- and the feeling is mutual, which, though well established, still surprises me to write it.

I am Roddy's main breakfast feeder, and since I've worked at home for the past five years, a reliable companion. Meaning I talk to him -- sort of. I call his name regularly -- just aimlessly oftentimes -- and he comes ambling up, like a dog. In the evenings, he senses when bedtime is creeping closer, and he starts circling around me. If I move, he follows me. Where I go, he goes. When I stop, he moves between my legs, his tail swishing against either leg. He wants me to know he's here, and it's time.

That time is Roddy Time. When I sit on the bed to put on the t-shirt and shorts I'll sleep in, Roddy starts to get aggressive. He's all over me -- on my lap, off my lap, rubbing his body with some force against my torso. He knows what he wants, and he's like, 'Well, buddy, what are we waiting for?'"

I settle in to the bed, my upper body propped up with pillows. It's time, and Roddy moves in. He climbs up my chest and head butts my chin. Once, then again, even a third time. In response, I begin a vigorous rubbing of his head, ears, jowls, and under chin. I swear, it's as if eyes begin to roll in his head, he's so damn satisfied. His purring is so loud you can feel it in the mattress. 

I'll give him his version of a Turkish Bath head and body massage for several minutes -- him purring with pleasure, me closing my eyes, relaxed and sleepy as I move my fingers through his fur. He is happy, and frankly, so am I.

Never thought I'd say that about a damn cat.

As you can tell, I'm far more comfortable around dogs. I've been around them my whole life, so I feel I know them pretty well. I have no fear of them, except pit bulls, which I just don't trust.

Anyway, Shadow can be trusted completely. She is a big bundle of sweetness. I like when she sticks out her tongue, like a snake, when I approach her. I like how she'll cuddle up to me, either sitting at attention, patiently waiting for acknowledgment, or when I'm sitting on the futon, practically flopping herself into my body to squash herself as close to me as she can. 

Maybe what I like best is the mood she's in after she eats. She'll come in from the screen porch and sit at attention inside the sliding door, and make guttural, Darth Vader-like grunts. When I pet her on the head, her grunts intensify in sound. It's as if she's purring, like a cat. Start rubbing her ears? The purring reaches a whole new level, as if she's snoring with delight. What a visceral show of affection, no?

So, a dog who behaves like a cat, and a cat who behaves like a dog. Go figure.

We'll take 'em just the way they are.

A Relaxing Run

 Our lives can be so structured. Overstructured, really.

Schedules dominate our days. We need to keep to our meetings, our appointments, our myriad chores. And inevitably there are circumstances that arise that demand our immediate attention, another task -- or two, or three -- crammed into our day.

For me, it means I need my outlets.

One faithful outlet has been basketball. Since COVID in 2020, I join a group of guys at our local community center twice a week and ball out. We span a range of ages, and of skills. Some have played lots of organized ball, some haven't. But regardless of skill and knowledge, we congregate to play, get in a good workout, and immerse ourselves in competition and camaraderie that comes with playing a team sport as adults. We play hard, try to win, and have fun -- just the way it should be.

We generally play for 60-75 minutes during the lunch hour. Breaks between games are fleeting, as we are trying to get in as much play as possible within our allotted time.  There aren't many opportunities to have much conversation when we're rushing to return to the court.

We decided to change that by getting together, off the court and out of the gym, last Friday evening. We congregated at a local bar and watched our football team take care of business as we slugged down pitchers of beer and gobbled pizza. Best of all, by far, was talking, and getting to know each other better. I learned about some of my ball players' occupations, families, where they grew up, and so much more. 

I had a great time.

All that merrymaking left me fatigued and with some cobwebs in my head the next morning. I shuffled around for a bit, trying to decide what to do on an on-off rainy day. I shrugged off my usual reflexive action of tuning into a soccer match or lapsing into melting into a series of college football games I wouldn't have cared about.

I made a better decision. I went for a run.

I don't jog as much as I used to. Basketball, by far my primary athletic participatory love, is my main outlet. But I've long found a run as a very good complement. I don't run as far as before; I go 4-6 miles, and call that enough. But I will say that, unlike basketball, a run represents a true personal outlet. It's just you and outdoors. No teammates, no chatter, just the quiet around you and the satisfaction of your body in movement, a rhythmic, almost machine-like propulsion in space.

I remember when training for my first marathon how astonished I was that during long runs, my mind would simply switch off, and wander from one thought to another, as my body moved effortlessly forward. It was exhilarating, really, knowing the miles I was knocking down with ease. I felt almost invincible.

I still get that feeling of mental liberation and physical production on runs, although they are briefer, considering the shortened distances. What I like best is I simply relax. My brain still switches off, and when it does engage, I am having constructive thoughts. Any negativity, or worry, is ignored. I think about my state of affairs in a positive vein, such as what I can do to improve myself, rather than tearing myself down in potshots of blame.

It's well known that physical exercise confers a wealth of mental and physical benefits. I am blessed to have two really good outlets -- one social, the other more in solitude -- that I can rely upon when my life becomes -- or seems to be -- veering into too much structure. So needed, so necessary.

And, so much fun.

Apples

How 'bout them apples?

I can say this literally, for once, because, boy do we have a lot of apples.

We have three apple trees in our back yard -- a Cortland, a Liberty, and a Honey Crisp. We planted the Honey Crisp first, followed by the Liberty, and finally the Cortland. 

It took some time for any of the trees to produce. The Honey Crisp yielded first, but its production was sparing and intermittent -- apples one season, almost none the next. This trend went on for at least a few years, which caused us to question what we were doing, or had done. Was it how, or where, we planted the tree? Was it getting pollinated? Soil issues? Bugs? Blight? Being rank amateurs, we had no answers, only guesses -- and poor ones at that.

When the Honey Crisp tree did produce, tiny black bugs called aphids or the insidious apple maggot fly ravaged what relatively meager fruit was growing. Then, five years ago, when the Honey Crisp tree was on its way to a big yield, the neighborhood squirrels made it a primary stop on their daily foraging. This was COVID year #1, and, working from home, I watched from my screen porch with mounting exasperation as those rampaging rodents scooted down the tree, scurried across the yard, scaled my tree, and snatched at my apples. They'd sample the fruit -- one or two bites -- and then discard it, like some glutton who already had had his fill. It got so irksome for me that I trapped nearly a dozen squirrels (and shepherded them elsewhere) before the Derecho of 2020 put a serious dent in their numbers.

Last summer, the Honey Crisp tree went nuts. Infestation was mild, and the squirrels must have found another major food source. I picked apple after apple, and for weeks, I enjoyed a Honey Crisp nearly every day. I like me some apples, and I really like me some Honey Crisps. I mostly ignore the Cortland and Liberty, and I kind of feel badly about that. But not too much. Those Honey Crisps are just better.

This past spring, I noticed blooms all over the Honey Crisp tree, and I got excited. Fast forward, and those blooms became apples, lots of them. Also, for the first time, I bothered to actually research Honey Crisp cultivation, and learned to cull small, misshapen or stunted apples early in the growth cycle, to give the fitter apples more nutrients to grow. The squirrels again left the tree mostly alone, and the insects' effect has been relatively muted. So, for the second consecutive season, it's been a good year for picking apples. 

I know this is confirmation bias-like psychology at work here, but I love eating apples from my (Honey Crisp) tree. For the past two weeks, I have been busily harvesting the fruit, and every morning, I slice one up and eat it, sometimes accompanied by cheddar cheese. So simple, so nutritious, so delicious, and so satisfying. 

I'm already looking forward to next season.

Homecoming Poster

 We haven't paid much attention to Homecoming at our town's high school.

Neither Michelle nor I is a graduate of the school, so there's no real incentive to get involved in the alumni-geared events that dominate the weekend.

Neither of our sons have taken much interest, either, except showing up at the football game -- more to socialize than to watch the action on the field.

But that may have changed for good.

Our youngest son, a freshman, told his mother out of the blue that he planned to ask a girl to the Homecoming Dance. And, he wanted to create a poster to make The Big Ask.

The announcement, as it were, came in the midst of a particular grinding day for our family -- or at least me. I had called for a family summit, an intentional choice of words to elevate the occasion from our relatively mundane family meetings to one imbued with more gravity.

Not to deviate too much from the Homecoming storyline, but Michelle and I had grown increasingly frustrated at our teenage children's abject inability to execute a host of simple tasks, from picking up their clothes, putting dishes in the dishwasher, disposing of food wrappers, shelving shoes and bookbags, and so on. Our house had become one constant mess zone, and Michelle and I were tired of being treated as their maids. So, it saw time to redraw the line, and remind them of their responsibilities to the family and to themselves.

The boys greeted the Family Summit announcement just as you would expect them to. First came the ? in the text replies. Then "What" and "Why" in subsequent texts. Then, as the meeting approached -- a resigned roll of the eyes and "how long will this take?" utterances that made clear just how they felt.

To cut to the chase here, the daily chore list (we call it "contributions") was reinstated, they had to sign up for concessions shifts that benefits their school's Fine Arts programs. Michelle and I also instituted a one-strike policy for any deviations from the keep-the-house tidy mandate.

We'll see how it goes.

Well, the summit concluded, and Isaiah transitioned immediately to creating his Homecoming poster.

The thing about Isaiah is he's a real study of extremes. There's the lassitude that comes with activities or subjects that don't interest him much or hold his attention. And, then there's the energetic, almost manic Isaiah that pairs with something that he's truly motivated by, or invested in. We've seen the hyper-motivated Isaiah in his performances in school plays and the hours upon hours of practice that lead to the shows. We've seen that energy and enthusiasm in music, too. In basketball and soccer, it comes and goes. I've seen Isaiah in full on mode and then in mostly off mode. As his longtime coach in soccer, I never knew what I was going to get -- fully engaged Isaiah or disengaged Isaiah. Only he seemed to know, or decide, when he was ready to get after it.

What I can say is he was fixated on creating an alluring poster. He listened intently as Michelle and he worked out the messaging -- a cheeky nod to the theme of his marching band's upcoming performances and the fact that the girl also is in the band. He attended to every detail, the colors, the adornments. He eagerly flitted from one vantage point to another as he watched his mother sketch out the letters, barking instructions (politely) as the artwork came into being. He was completely engaged -- drawing, coloring, scrutinizing, pondering his creation.

What he created is thoughtful, sweet and so on point.

How can any girl say no to that?

Welcome visitors

 

Michelle and I planted a zinnia garden at the beginning of this summer.

We have been richly rewarded for our efforts.

I know very little -- or often, just seem to forget -- the names of various flowers and plants. My wife is constantly reminding me of the constellation of greenery we have in our gardens. So, when she told me she wanted to plant zinnia seeds that she had gotten from a neighbor, I really didn't know what that meant.

We tore out some hostas (I actually do know and remember what these are.) that had crowded our back patio and added some fresh dirt and planting soil to ready the area. Then we planted the zinnia seeds. They're tiny, maybe a 1/5 the size of a pinkie fingernail. So, by planting, I guess I mean we sprinkled them here and there. I really didn't know what I was doing, and so I blanketed the area, deciding, with no prior research, that more was better. 

Some weeks passed, and not much happened. I grew concerned. We had gotten regular rains, but there was the ground, all brown and barren, just as it looked when we started.

But gradually, some tiny-leaved shoots emerged from their below-ground beginnings. And then some more. And more -- until, there were little green sprockets all over the place. It brought me back to when Michelle and I lived in Rhode Island, and we converted a patch of our backyard -- and area that was the neighborhood trash dump before we moved in – into a vegetable garden. I was amazed that through just a bit of thought and not much more labor what we could produce. Lettuce, snap peas, green beans, peppers, tomatoes, even potatoes. All sprouting up in neat little rows, as if we, sure-fire amateurs, had planned it that way. And how much fun is to eat what you have planted and produced? No wonder people get into planting their own produce. There is a visceral joy to watch nature serve up a bounty of goodness just from spilling some seeds into her ground.

Anyway, the zinnia patch here in Iowa reminded me of those good 'ol Lewis farm-to-table days. And, it wasn't long before those little sprouts grew tall, 3 to 4 feet in height in fact, and flowered -- hot pink, light pink, blood orange, fiery red, golden yellow, and hues of purple. 

I enjoyed looking out at that flowering rainbow every morning. But I didn't know the best was still to come. For what I didn't know is that zinnias attract all sorts of pollinators, from bees to butterflies.

And, best of all, those flowers brought in a special guest: Monarchs.

I'm sure you all have heard about monarch butterflies, and their epic, annual passage from the eastern United States to Mexico. That journey can cover as many as 3,000 miles, folks, including some 50-100 miles daily. All that fluttering means they need places to rest and recuperate. They're always searching for a buffet, and one of the items on their preferred menu is .... zinnias.

Which means for the past 3-4 weeks, I have delighted in watching monarchs flitter about and light on our zinnias, getting sustenance and perhaps lounging for a bit. I've watched them dart and dance. I've watched them fight over a particular flower. One day, two monarchs got into a real aerial fit. They shot after each other, up and down, at speeds, angles and G-forces that would have made any astronaut seek the vomit bag. Other times, they just swoop around lazily, riding the breeze, before settling on a flower.

While the monarchs are the marquee event in our zinnia patch, I have gotten a lot of satisfaction at the number of bumblebees that frequent our flower patch. I can count as many as a dozen easily at any given time. I love bumblebees. They're big, they're regal, and they're docile almost to the point of being polite. They want no business with you, and if you don't give them trouble, you can watch them as close up as you want. And they are mega pollinators. Our apple trees have gone nuts likely due to them.

Zinnias are annuals, I'm pretty sure. So, as we propel ourselves toward the cooling of fall, our patch will go away. 

But I can assure you, come next summer, we will make sure it returns -- and our visitors, too.

Surprise visit

 I traveled to Maryland for the Labor Day holiday weekend with a specific goal in mind: To surprise my father for his 90th birthday.

Yes, my dad, Marvin, is turning 90. Well, not yet. That happens on Dec. 27. 

But he already had planned to visit my sister, and when she broached the idea of an early milestone-like celebratory gathering, I booked a flight to join in the fun.

He had no idea I was coming, which, like so many good ideas, came from my sister.

The hastily-hatched plan was that while I was visiting our mother (who lives in assisted living near my sister), she would pick up Marvin at the airport, and then drive to the assisted living place and call my mother to alert me indirectly that she had arrived. Then, I would come down the back stairs, where my sister was waiting and I'd surprise Marvin, who was waiting out front.

Probably sounds a little convoluted -- which, like plans on the fly can be.

Here's how it unfolded.

You see the surprise, then the slap of initial recognition. What you don't see is my dad tearing up when he fully realizes I am actually there. He got teary, actually.

It was endearing.

And, so this long weekend, we will celebrate a man who is living a very long life. Who is a physical marvel. Who plays tennis, and more recently, pickleball, with folks years -- even decades -- younger than he. A jokester who revels in dishing out, but glares and glowers when it's delivered back to him.

Who doused me with a water bottle in a parking lot, because, well, he's still full of piss and vinegar, and by damned, why not do that to your son?

Who remains a curious sort, not a bookish intellectual per se, but is fully aware of the world around him, even if he doesn't fully grasp others' places in it (such as how social media relentlessly and viscerally shapes younger generations). 

Who wants the best for those he loves, yet can struggle how to effectively dispense that affection or delicately offer advice.

In other words, a flawed individual, like all of us. But a proud, good man.

That's my father.

I'm glad to be here with him.

First day of school (repeat)

 It's that time of year again -- the first day of school.

Like 100s -- no, make that 1000s -- wait, no make that 10,000s -- of parents have done, we take pictures each year of our children before they leave home for a new school year. Social media is bursting with these milestone-like pictorial tributes.

Many families have each child hold a sign, or handwritten note, usually with their names, school, and the grades they're entering. One family -- and I admit we had conceived this -- had each child with an easel-like board that included their favorite song, food, and what they want to do when they grow up. It must be fun for that family to mark time in those ways.

Ours has been flat-out pedestrian by comparison. It's picture of each child on our front porch, and a picture of them together. Except we didn't get the brothers picture this year, because Isaiah needed to be at school early for all-state choir practice. That in and of itself is a new development, and a different marker for this year.

For the record, Nathaniel enters 11th grade, Isaiah enters 9th.

Here they are:

And, here they are just three years ago:

A lot changes quickly, huh?

To me, the pictures truly do tell me a lot about the boys -- what they preferred to wear, their hairstyles, their demeanor, and of course how they looked physically. It also shows we got our house painted during that time, too, thank goodness.

So, while not a perfect record of the annual march of time with our kids, it shows us something, even if the way we present it is a little convenient and contrived.

And, it's a great way to go back, year after year, and marvel at quickly our kids have changed and how fleeting our time really is with them.